Blue Moon by Lee Child
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I went back and forth about a rating for this book. On the one hand, Lee Child's Blue Moon is well written and moves quickly, but on the other hand, I feel like he's out of ideas. This certainly isn't the first Reacher book that doesn't hold up to critical thinking. Just starting with the odds of one man, even a very perceptive one, always wandering into these major criminal happenings is enough to make the stories ridiculous.

Add to that the fact that whatever compunction Reacher had about killing seems to have disappeared, and it's really too much. Yes, Reacher always was very dangerous when provoked, but now it feels like the killing is what he wants. Not an "I kill if I have no choice" hero but a "come on, give me an excuse to kill" vigilante. There's a big difference. In this book, he even kills an unarmed man who, while repulsive in his actions, isn't a violent criminal. He just executes him. Is this where we've wound up?

I didn't go with one star, because, as I said at the start, it moves quickly and is well written. But I can't go more than two stars, because we've gone from a thoughtful righter of wrongs to the Terminator, set loose in unnamed towns where he magically stumbles upon huge organized crime syndicates that he, with the help of a few friends, is going to annihilate.

Maybe Lee Child needs to do some prequel work. Go back and let a younger Reacher be an MP officer again and investigate military crimes. At least that wouldn't be so far-fetched.


View all my reviews

The Sweet Life in Paris: Delicious Adventures in the World's Most Glorious - and Perplexing - City by David Lebovitz
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I grabbed this book, because I love baking and love Paris. So what could be wrong?

Well, the author doesn't say much about his work as a pastry chef, except for keeping some Parisians happy with American-style brownies. (He does share recipes, but that's not the same.) Regarding Paris, wow, he loves to complain! More specifically, about Parisians.

My experience, over the course of all our trips to Paris, has been that the turnover of generations (my first trip there was 38 years ago) has mellowed the Parisian demeanor. In 1981, I found Parisians to be as unfriendly as they were reputed to be. During more recent visits, however, I found them to be much more friendly and helpful. You wouldn't know it from this book.

Perhaps it's the author's own approach to them, or perhaps it's the more nuanced perspective of someone who's there full-time, but his description of life in Paris wouldn't have encouraged me to visit the City of Light if I hadn't been there already.

Two fun subjects, baking and one of the world's greatest, most beautiful cities, and still this book was hard to get through.


View all my reviews

A war story to rival the best of Tom Clancy

Red Metal by Mark Greaney
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Red Metal is one of the most entertaining books I've read in quite some time. If you're not interested in reading about battles, then it's not for you, but if you like books like Tom Clancy's better works from his early days, such as The Hunt for Red October or Red Storm Rising, then you'll like this. In fact, speaking of Red Storm Rising, I'd even say Red Metal is similar but an even better novel. The battle and technical details are on par with that book, and the plot moves even better, with a more satisfying conclusion, even though it also creates a bit of a cliffhanger.

I've had mixed feelings about Mark Greaney's prior work. Some I've liked a lot while others were just okay, but this hits it out of the park. I'm really anxious to see what comes next! One thing I found amusing is the prominence of Lieutenant Colonels in this novel, considering that Mr. Greaney's co-author is one. The US Marines also take a lead role here, but I couldn't help but notice the importance that particular rank played in the different theaters of operation. I will also give them credit for having respect for members of the service from other countries. Too many novels of this genre treat allies and enemies like their armed forces are comprised of cowardly idiots. Here, there's respect for the skills and sacrifices of fighting men and women in general, and that's something I was very happy to see.

This really is a terrific novel, and even at roughly 650 pages, I tore through it in no time, doing all the things I shouldn't, like staying up way too late to see what happens next. Well done, gentlemen!


View all my reviews

Too Much Is Not Enough by Andrew  Rannells
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've enjoyed Andrew Rannells' work on TV and the stage. Most recently, we saw him on Broadway in The Boys in the Band, and I was very impressed with his performance. He's clearly very talented.

Having enjoyed his acting, I was hoping to enjoy this book. Happily, I wasn't disappointed! So many memoirs by people I've liked on stage or screen turn out to be either boring or way too self-absorbed. Not so in this case. Rather, Mr. Rannells shows a lot of introspection and honesty as he takes us from his childhood up to his first time in a Broadway show.

I liked his insights on what it means to struggle to find your way in the acting world, as well as his discussion about growing up gay and trying to find his way to some semblance of sanity in dating. Many of us know these struggles, and his memories ring true, even if some are sad to relive with him.

My respect for Andrew Rannells grew with the reading of this book, and the book itself was interesting and enjoyable to read!


View all my reviews

Total Mayhem by John Gilstrap
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Total Mayhem certainly kept me riveted, and that's the main point with a book read for entertainment. I went through its over 400 pages in a day and a half. I started reading Saturday evening and finished at 3am Monday morning. That's another sign--that I stayed up way too late reading.

I was just a little disappointed in this particular book. I've read plenty of Mr. Gilstrap's work before, so I pretty well know what to expect, but authors in this genre can get a little too cavalier with human life and I feel like he turned that corner here. That may sound silly, since the whole concept is that Jonathan Grave runs a company that, among other things, deals with violent criminals bent on hurting innocent people. It just felt like this particular installment was looking for ways to take innocents and bring them to horrible ends, whereas the other installments generally had a feel, at least as I remember them, of saving innocents from wanton destruction.

That disappointment aside, I tore through this book. So if you want a good guys versus bad guys type of novel, go for it.


View all my reviews

Ship of the Line by Diane Carey
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Wow, there are some harsh reviews of this book, and I really think they're uncalled for. Was this the best Star Trek novel I've ever read? No. It wasn't even the best Diane Carey Star Trek novel I've ever read. There were some little pieces that were strangely out of place and personal to the author--you'll see if you read it--and parts could have fit together better, but those weren't fatal flaws.

This book followed the interactions of the crew of the Enterprise after the destruction of the Enterprise-D, as seen in the movie Star Trek Generations, as well as a major part of the book following Captain Morgan Bateson, first encountered in the ST:TNG episode Cause and Effect.

Granted, it's hard not to read the book and be hearing and picturing Captain Frasier Crane--not the author's doing, of course--but I actually found the character rather well developed. He's a man out of place and time, trying to take his experience as a Starfleet captain and make it work decades after his time. He's dealing with a difficult situation largely of his own creation, but he's also a man of integrity who admits his mistakes and respects those around him, even those who disagree with him strongly. I actually found his character admirable if frustrating at times.

We also have a crossover between other characters from the different generations of Star Trek, and that was enjoyable, too. With that said, I saw two major flaws to this book. One is that it rehashed too much of the original series, literally reciting some scenes word for word. Most people who would read a Star Trek novel are serious fans, so I'd think most, like me, know those scenes intimately. No need to rehash them line by line to make the connection to other, relevant observations being made by Captain Picard.

The second thing is that the biggest turning points of the novel, including the final big battle, felt rushed as compared to the rest of the book. This key part got short shrift and was resolved a bit too easily.

For all of that, I enjoyed this book. Not perfect, but it was an enjoyable read. I was tempted to give it a higher star rating, because I think some of those 1-star rants of prior reviewers are borderline malicious. But that's not what this site is supposed to be about, so I won't weight my rating. Goodreads says 3 stars means I "Liked It" so that's what I selected, because I liked it!


View all my reviews

Swift Vengeance by T. Jefferson Parker
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

So many crime procedural/detective novels have twists that might make a reader roll his/her eyes. The bad guys magically escape a well-planned effort to corner them and take them into custody--or take them out--or the real bad guy would turn out to be someone you never suspected. That can build suspense or provide an interesting surprise, but it rarely looks like real life.

Happily, Swift Vengeance unwinds logically and without any silly twists. I won't say too much, so you can enjoy the book, but I found the reality of it refreshing. I'll definitely be looking for the next novel in the series!


View all my reviews

A great book! Highly recommended!

The Border by Don Winslow
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Don Winslow is a great author. At times, his stories can be brutal, but he deals with brutal subjects. In this trilogy, as in The Force, which I recently read, he's dealt with criminals and the drug trade. Brutality is an unfortunate reality of that world, and he doesn't sugar-coat it.

Even so, he manages to keep some glimmers of hope alive in his work. He also builds great characters and makes them relatable, so we're fully invested and along for every bit of the ride. The Border is the best kind of book, in that I didn't want to put it down and plowed through it as quickly as the rest of my life and schedule would allow, and I was sorry to reach the end.


View all my reviews

A very well written book

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I'm not entirely sure how to describe A Gentleman in Moscow, except to say it's a very well written novel about a member of the Russian aristocracy who manages to survive the Revolution but finds himself confined to a sort of house arrest in perpetuity. Considering the scenes I now know this book to contain, I wouldn't have expected to enjoy it as much as I did. A Gentleman in Moscow is proof, however, that what matters more than the subject matter is the skill of the author. Clearly, Amor Towles knows how to write a novel that moves well, filled with well-developed characters to whom the reader will feel a real connection.


View all my reviews

An entertaining work of science fiction

Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Leviathan Wakes was very entertaining. I had a number of nights where I stayed up way too late, wanting to keep reading, and that's a sure sign of an entertaining novel. I find too many works of science fiction to be poorly thought out or packed with technical jargon (probably by authors desperate to distinguish themselves from the poorly thought out ones!) or lacking in writing skill, so that the story idea may be interesting but the character development is lacking.

In this case, the authors ("James S.A. Corey" in the nom de plume of the two authors who wrote Leviathan Wakes) have produced an interesting concept, built interesting characters and taken us for quite a ride. I'm off to other genres for the moment, but I feel I'll be back to this series, so I can see what's next!


View all my reviews

A new standard in arrogance

Viper Pilot: A Memoir of Air Combat by Dan Hampton
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Wow. Not, "wow, this is a great book" but "wow, this man is hard to believe." I don't expect examples in humility from a fighter pilot--that doesn't tend to be their nature--but Dan Hampton provides an example in mind-blowing levels of arrogance. And to be clear, I've spoken to fighter pilots who were quite humble and polite. If they felt any superiority, they didn't show it.

Dan Hampton, after spending the entire book declaring how special he is, goes so far as to declare near the end that the military is wrong to declare all of its members "warriors." He says that for every one of him, there are 144 members of the Air Force in supporting roles, and they shouldn't be referred to as warriors.

If that wasn't enough, he then says that front line troops aren't alone in combat the way he is. They have their buddies around them, and they can ride in armored vehicles, while he's participating in solo combat (wingman and squadron notwithstanding, apparently), and he's a special kind of warrior above all others.

I met and got to spend time chatting with Jack Jacobs a while back. Colonel Jacobs wasn't a brave fighter pilot. He was just a foot soldier, which the author apparently doesn't see as such a lofty role as an F-16 pilot. Now, Colonel Jacobs has received the Medal of Honor, two Silver Stars, three Bronze Stars and a host of other medals, but despite that, he was as nice, polite and humble as could be. I suppose that's because he wasn't an F-16 pilot like Dan Hampton.

Viper Pilot has some interesting parts. As some other reviewers have noted, a lot of it is commentary built on radio transcripts, but some of that is interesting to review. But then we get to the aforementioned arrogance and the author's contempt for way too many people, from intelligence officers to those in support roles to political leaders to our allies. He's so contemptuous of those who aren't him that I even felt bad when he was trashing Iraqi soldiers he was killing. Yes, I know that was the job, but I've read plenty of memoirs where the author had enough awareness to recognize that the other guys were giving their lives for their country and deserved respect for that.

He adds that, despite his using cluster bombs, he never killed anyone who didn't deserve it. Okay then. I suppose it's better not to know, and he was doing what was expected, but war isn't that clean. That's one of the many reasons it's a thing to be avoided whenever possible.

The parts where the book was radio transcript-supported commentary were interesting, as I mentioned above, so the 2-star "it was ok" rating seems right, but it deserves no more than that. Was this author doing a dangerous job bravely? Yes. But he seems to think he's braver than the rest who serve the country, and that's very off-putting.


View all my reviews

A very well written "cop novel"

The Force by Don Winslow
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Don Winslow is a very good writer. If you've read some of his other books, such as The Power of the Dog, you know that already. You also know that his writing can be of the not-for-the-squeamish variety. He doesn't sugar-coat things, and he isn't shy about showing some very brutal scenes. That's not to say he does so gratuitously. When he does so, it fits with both the story and the apparent reality in some of the terrible settings he's dealing with.

With that preface, I can say that The Force is the kind of book you don't want to put down, and you're sorry when it ends. I stayed up way too late last night (or rather, early this morning) before finally coming to my senses and putting it down, and I took the first opportunity this evening to finish reading this well-written, engrossing tale.

Denny Malone is someone we can condemn for his corruption and brutality while admiring how he's trying to protect the people in his area. He really hates how the drug dealers, violent criminals, and those who profit from them, hurt people who otherwise are just trying to get by and live their lives. But Denny also can't resist the pull of corruption all around him. He and his brother officers are very damaged characters, being both part of the solution and part of the problem.

Don Winslow's writing is so good that you find yourself rooting for Denny and his guys, even when you know they don't deserve to catch a break because they're so far over the line. A good author can take you there.

If you're looking for an uplifting novel that will renew your faith in humanity, this isn't it. Go find something else. But if you want a compelling story of law enforcement, good guys versus bad guys, and lost souls who long ago wandered off the straight and narrow, so that "good guys" and "bad guys" will be hard to define, I suspect you'll love this book!


View all my reviews

A great story of Cold War spycraft and betrayal

The Spy and the Traitor: The Greatest Espionage Story of the Cold War by Ben Macintyre
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

If I could do half stars, I'd probably go 4.5, since I usually reserve a 5-star rating for books that had me so completely enthralled that I truly couldn't put them down and ached with disappointment when I reached the end. I wouldn't say The Spy and the Traitor was quite there, but still, it was quite good.

This is a well-researched, well-written book, telling a Cold War story of life and death, betrayal and intrigue. Both of the men who are the main subjects of The Spy and the Traitor betrayed their countries, but there's a clear distinction in the reasons each did what he did.

Ben Macintyre is a skillful author who builds a feeling of connection with the more heroic--at least as seen from a western point of view--of these two, and that's what makes for some great suspense and tension as the story unfolds. I would have liked to have known a bit more of the details of the kind of information Mr. Gordievsky shared with MI6, but it's possible such details still can't be shared, even so many years later. In any case, the book remains interesting and an entertaining story!


View all my reviews

A disappointing read

The Trident Deception by Rick   Campbell
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

As others have noted--with good reason--The Trident Deception reads very much like a mashup of The Hunt for Red October and Crimson Tide, and that's a bit of a problem, since this story has already been done. Yes, there's a bit of a twist to the underlying plot, but it's just a twist instead of being anything original.

Also, as others have noted, there are a fair number of eyeroll-inducing moments. One heroic figure is asked to put love for country above love for family. I won't say more than that, and while that may be possible for someone to do, although I'd find it pretty rare, it's ridiculous to envision any commanding officer deliberately and knowingly asking that of a subordinate as happens here. It was such a contrived stress point that it didn't add to the story; rather, it made that part of the plot ridiculous.

Worse than all of this is that the author doesn't really build characters in a way that will help us connect with them. He's just not a good enough writer. At one point, a key character (who we're clear is a very attractive woman, because Mr. Campbell seems too focused on that) is put very seriously in harm's way, and while I wanted her to overcome the threat, I didn't feel the kind of tension a reader should feel with a key character who has been developed the right way so we feel a connection.

This book was okay, but really not more than that (hence the 2-star "it was ok" rating).


View all my reviews

A book worth skipping!

The First Conspiracy: The Secret Plot to Kill George Washington by Brad Meltzer
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

This book was poorly researched, poorly supported by actual evidence, and an exercise in melodrama. It was severely lacking in evidence or the kind of research that would make it worthwhile, and it was full of supposition and speculation.

I often enjoy a work of history that's written by a novelist. When properly researched, the skills of a good novelist can bring history to life in ways that more academic writers aren't equipped to do. There have been some excellent books of this type. Then there's this dreck.

The First Conspiracy was repetitious, speculative and unsupported by actual primary sources. I have a degree in history, but I don't expect books I grab at the bookstore or library to read like my thesis. Rather, I want them to be more entertaining than an academic work. Still, what you get is vague speculation... unconnected pieces... lack of substantial direct quotes... cue ominous music ...George Washington!. That doesn't make for a credible story. (But be sure to hear George Washington's name in your most dramatic internal voice. The authors throw in his name more times than I could count. And yes, I know he's the subject. What I mean is, there are hundreds of filler lines that just mention George Washington to remind you how important all of this is and hope you don't notice that they no evidence to support whatever they're talking about.

Even the title itself is misleading. Other than the fact that the British and their supporters would have loved to have captured Washington or any of the other colonial leaders--and might well have executed them as traitors--there's little to support this being any kind of serious plot. There's just no meat on these bones. Don't waste your time!


View all my reviews

Well, that was a disappointing way to end this trilogy

The Kremlin's Candidate by Jason  Matthews
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Such a disappointing third book to close out this trilogy. Some will defend the repeated body blows this book delivers to readers who felt invested in these characters, saying it's more realistic than what the author might otherwise have written. I understand that, but this isn't non-fiction. It's fiction, and entertainment is a big part of why we're reading it. So to turn such brutality loose on characters we'd come to know and admire (I won't say which ones, so I don't spoil things) seems unnecessary and cold. As I read the parts I have in mind, I couldn't believe the author would do this.

Yes, people in service to their countries can get hurt and can die. We all know that. But again, this is entertainment. Good guys versus bad guys. Jason Matthews had visited death upon good characters before, but there's almost a sense of betrayal in reading The Kremlin's Candidate, and I'm sorry I didn't stop after the first two books. If you loved Red Sparrow and Palace of Treason, you may want to stop there and hang on to the good memories of those books.


View all my reviews

A great spy novel! One of the best I've read!

Palace of Treason by Jason  Matthews
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

If you like spy novels, you should read the Red Sparrow books. I enjoyed the first book, Red Sparrow, and Palace of Treason is even better! This is the continuing story of Dominika Egorova, Nate Nash and their colleagues (who themselves are interesting, rich characters). They're both smart and dedicated but also flawed, doing things they know they shouldn't do, but we cheer them on as they fight evil and corruption.

Jason Matthews knows how to build tension and develop his characters. The tension never feels contrived, and there's a real connection to these people we want to see succeed but are so afraid won't be able to overcome the obstacles and enemies in their way.

Palace of Treason is one of those special novels. I wasn't sleeping well anyhow, but it probably didn't help that I was so drawn into this story. It was almost 4am when I put the book down. On top of the quality of the characters and well-developed suspense, there's the fact that the story sounds like non-fiction stories of espionage I've read. Jason Matthews has gone to great lengths to make his stories not only exciting but believable! (His lengthy career with the CIA probably helps.) I'm already grabbing the third book of the trilogy! Can't wait to continue reading!


View all my reviews

Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyrou
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

John Carreyrou shares the story he worked on for The Wall Street Journal, putting it together in a compelling book about a young woman who was smart but apparently a sociopath. She lied and was willing to hurt pretty much anyone, as long as she got rich and was lauded as a trailblazer. The scariest part wasn't that someone like her exists; it was that she got so many accomplished, powerful people to support her and defend her, even in the face of clear evidence she was lying, cheating and endangering the lives of countless others.

This is the story of the founding, rise and eventual fall to earth of a company known as Theranos. Started and headed by Elizabeth Holmes, with help from her secret boyfriend and now-indicted co-conspirator Sunny Balwani, Theranos promised to be able to replace lab tests that currently require the drawing of blood from a vein with much easier finger sticks. As it became clear the technology for such an approach didn't exist--and the necessary volume of blood for many important tests wasn't there to make them possible from a simple finger stick--rather than admit defeat or change their approach, Holmes and Balwani engaged in repeated deceptions and did their best to destroy the lives and livelihoods of anyone who tried to bring honesty and integrity to what was going on. Happily both Holmes and Balwani now are under indictment, but the trail of destruction they left is sad and should be a cautionary tale.

Bad Blood is an excellent book, both because the underlying story is so extraordinary--mostly in terrible ways--and because John Carreyrou is a good writer, bringing the skills of a reporter who knows how to tell a good story!


View all my reviews

Past Tense by Lee Child
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Once again, Jack Reacher is drawn into a highly improbable scenario that lets him be the capeless superhero, coming in to save the day.

I've enjoyed the series overall, but some of the scenarios Lee Child uses are truly eyeroll-inducing. Even if Reacher comes across as a nearly-omniscient superhero-cop in the ones where we're looking back at his Military Police days, at least those make more sense in terms of how he comes to be involved in various unusual scenarios.

In Past Tense, there's a truly evil ploy going on. That and his coming to the rescue of a random person in a small New England town both drive the tension of this book, such as it is. The evil plot's setup is too drawn out, considering how little connection/empathy is created with the intended victims of the plot. Given his history and the relative incompetence of his adversaries, there's not much question how all of this will turn out.

There's still satisfaction in Jack Reacher taking out the bad guys, but the odds of his once again stumbling into a one-in-a-million evil plot really stretches credulity. I'm hoping future books either are more focused on his MP days or somehow draw him back into law enforcement. This country has its issues--as all countries do--but I'm thankful there aren't extraordinarily sinister plots around every corner as Jack Reacher's travels would have one think!


View all my reviews

Book Review: Lawrence in Arabia

Lawrence in Arabia: War, Deceit, Imperial Folly, and the Making of the Modern Middle East by Scott Anderson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Lawrence in Arabia: War, Deceit, Imperial Folly, and the Making of the Modern Middle East tells the story of T.E. Lawrence, known to most of us from the sweeping classic film, Lawrence of Arabia. The book also provides insight into the Middle East situation during World War I, the various players involved in the machinations of the day, and the imperial ambitions of European countries that helped further undermine any chance the Middle East ever had for peace and normalcy.

T.E. Lawrence certainly was an unlikely person to play the role he did. With no military background or training, he backed into wearing a British uniform. Then, through audacity and a gift for bureaucratic duplicity, he became a key figure in working with Arab leadership as the British pursued their imperial dreams while fighting a war that was unprecedented in its brutality.

It's also fascinating to see the attitudes of the imperial powers--and here, the French are painted in a particularly bad light--towards the Middle Eastern lands. They had no valid claim to any of these lands, and yet they made plans to simply take and keep them, exercising jurisdiction over them as if they had any right to do so.

The actions of these European countries didn't help an already-difficult situation, with different tribes and leaders vying for dominance. The author also notes that whatever chance there might have been for peace between the Arabs and the Jews certainly was severely undermined by these imperial maneuverings. True, lasting peace might have been unlikely, particularly when dealing with groups like Ibn Saud's followers, who were adherents to the Wahhabi sect of Islam. Nevertheless, Britain and France, and the famous Sykes-Picot Agreement served only to pour gasoline on a smoldering fire.

T.E. Lawrence was himself an interesting figure whose prominence is based on a combination of his character, a fair helping of dumb luck and a big budget movie (he was known in Britain, certainly, prior to the film, but the film rocketed his recognition into the stratosphere), but Lawrence in Arabia is more interesting for the overview of all the different players and how what seemed like a sideshow to World War I made a lasting impact, for better or worse, on a region that continues to be of strategic importance to this very day.


View all my reviews

Oh, Lexi

Our girl has been bad a number of times lately. When Tucker arrived, he came with lots of toys, beds, blankies, all kinds of things. His late mom loved him and bought him all sorts of stuff. Well, we have taken our time getting his stuff put away or tossed out. (He seems to have no interest in the toys. We've tried.)

To be fair (to ourselves!), we have been moving a lot of it out, but some remained at one end of the dining room table. Unfortunately, any amount of Tucker's stuff up there offends Lexi. We went plant shopping today, and when we got back, we found that she'd been on the dining room table, where she found a brush of his. She chewed that. She also managed to tear up all sorts of our stuff that was on there and scatter debris around the entire dining area. I guess she decided we needed punishment.

She'd already had periods where she got crated when we went out, but I kept giving her another chance. At this point, Marc says she'll be crated when we're out until she's a little old hound, hobbling around with a walker! (I give it a couple of weeks.)  ;-)

A book review: Promise Me, Dad by Joe Biden

Promise Me, Dad: A Year of Hope, Hardship, and Purpose by Joe Biden
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I usually tend to steer clear of sad stories. I feel like I've had enough pain and loss in my own life, so why latch onto someone else's? But something about Promise Me, Dad and what I'd read from prior reviews drew me to it. Also, I think Joe Biden is a good, kind-hearted, caring public servant, and I was interested for that reason, as well.

The pain of loss encapsulated in Promise Me, Dad comes as no surprise to anyone who reads the news. Joe Biden lost his son, Beau, to an aggressive brain cancer known as glioblastoma. Despite aggressive, cutting edge treatment, Beau slowly lost a painful battle. This book recounts that battle, as well as the way the Biden family pulled together, supporting each other while doing their best to protect Beau's privacy and dignity. It's also a remembrance of family history and cohesion, as well as a recounting of the support they received from so many, including President Obama.

Interspersed with the story of Beau Biden's cancer battle, and his family's agony as they watched it unfold, is a look inside the top-level politics Joe Biden was engaged in, from legislative history to his deep involvement in international affairs. This well-written and deeply personal book did something few books can; it made me cry. The genuine feeling of it tapped into my own emotions of loss. As things progressed, I found myself hoping for a surprise happy ending, despite knowing how things really did end. It was that level of connection and feeling.

I can see how some readers might not want to go along on this particular ride. As I said above, I often steer clear of such things. But if you don't mind the sadness interwoven within this story, it's a story well told about good people who have made it through a lot while still focusing on how they can make the world I better place. It's worth reading!


View all my reviews

Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend

I've very lucky. I met this man, dated him and had the good fortune to marry him. Now let me tell you something about him. He has the biggest heart you can imagine!

When Marc was growing up, his best friend was a kid named Richard. They met when they were 6 years old, and they developed a bond that time and distance couldn't break. Over the years, they wound up in different parts of the country and Richard wasn't good about keeping in touch when he moved away, but that didn't change Marc's concern for him.

Richard developed health problems, and I remember Marc worrying about him in the early days of my being with Marc, so that's over 20 years ago. But Richard did his own thing, and Marc only got updates from mutual friends who heard from other friends and so on.

Then in 2016, one of their friends from school days, Anne, called Marc. Anne is a saint, and she'd been helping Richard, trying to get him over health issues and get him back on his feet again. Richard didn't make it easy for her, but that's another story. She worked hard, just because she wanted to help a friend.

So Anne called to say that Richard was in rough shape, but while she was helping to arrange his care, advocate for him, help him in all sorts of ways, he mentioned that the thing that would make him so happy was if he could see his childhood friend, Marc.

Now, bear in mind, Richard was saying this as he was lying in a nursing home, where they were trying to rehab him after a hospital stay. A nursing home about 1,400 miles away in Wichita, Kansas. I guess Richard was hoping Marc would talk to him on the phone. In fact, that was the other part, that Anne said Richard asked if he could have Marc's phone number to reconnect. Of course, Marc said yes. The circumstances weren't ideal, but Marc was happy to reconnect with his old friend.

Marc thought about it very briefly and then declared, "I have to go see him." His old friend was sick and said it would brighten his day if he could see Marc, so Marc was dropping everything, taking time off work and getting on a plane on short notice to go see an old friend who was sick, just because his friend mentioned how nice it would be to see him.

So Marc got out there to see Richard. They talked, and Marc encouraged him to work hard to get back on his feet. He told him how, once he felt better, he could come to New York and we'd give him the grand tour. Afterwards, Anne told Marc that helped immensely, and, in time, Richard got out of the nursing home and was working to move forward.

Unfortunately, he took a fall several months ago, and he was back in the hospital and then the nursing home again. When we went out there for Marc's school reunion a few months ago, we went to visit him. He was still in rehab. On top of wanting to see Marc, Richard wanted to meet Marc's husband whom Richard had declared to be "a very lucky man." He was right. I am very lucky!

So we went and spent time talking to Richard. Marc encouraged him to work on his rehab, as he was somewhat reluctant at that point, and they still talked about what the future could hold, trying to keep a hopeful view of everything.

Today, Marc called me from work in tears. Richard's brother had called. Richard died today.

It wasn't really unexpected, as he wasn't doing at all well this time, but it doesn't change the fact that Marc is devastated. And, of course, I'm upset for him.

But look at the love he brought to his friend. Someone who went his own way decades ago says, in essence, "You know, I wish I could see my childhood friend, Marc," and my husband turns into a one-man Make-A-Wish Foundation. That's how he is. Off he went! How many people would do that? So this is a sad day, but I'm focused on how Marc made a sick friend's life better. We all go eventually, but it's a real gift when you have someone so caring in your life!

Ready for a break!

"A break? You're unemployed, Jess! A break from what?"

Yeah, well... I have my stress! Being unemployed is daily pressure. Plus, I've been working on drumming up business for my HR consulting practice. I might have a nibble or two on that front and a real client, where I can help a new business grow. I love being a part of that! I'm also picking up a little legal work when I can.

Anyhow, we're heading south later this week. First going to see some family and then on to Savannah. I can't wait! Some quality time--including romantic time--with my husband, and we'll also get to see some good friends!

The only downside is that Lexi has to go to her "pet resort," but I think she just aims her guilt ray at me for her own entertainment. When she's there, she has a ball. (She should, for what it costs!) ;-)

I love the photos of her from playgroups. For example...

Look at that happy girl!

Still, as much as our doggies always are family to us, it's not easy leaving her there. But we'll all be happy when we're reunited!

A quick, easy read, and an important piece of history: Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI

Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

It's rare that I find a work of non-fiction to be an easy read, but Killers of the Flower Moon flowed well while telling an important story of a great injustice that was new to me. In the early 20th Century, the Osage Indians, who had been pushed onto land in Oklahoma (just as so many Native Americans had been displaced and moved to lands not of their choosing), found that their land sat over large oil deposits.

Much to the chagrin of white people, this made the Osage quite wealthy. Sadly, blatant notions of white supremacy had the government and its citizens doing everything they could to disenfranchise the Osage, including routinely having perfectly competent adults declared incompetent, so white "guardians" could be appointed; those guardians then free to steal Osage money.

But for some, that wasn't enough. The Osage were being murdered at a staggering pace by people who had set up underhanded arrangements, through marriage, insurance policies and other means to steer Osage wealth into white hands. The indifference to the murders that underpinned these schemes was shockingly blatant, but nothing really was being done until the precursor of the FBI got involved.

With glimpses of the sociopathic madness that we'd eventually learn drove the actions of J. Edgar Hoover, he pulled the strings of an investigation that eventually curtailed the ongoing murders. The real heroes are no-nonsense lawmen who worked in the Osage Nation on behalf of the Bureau of Investigation (the FBI's name at the time). That didn't end all of the killings, as some have clearly gone unsolved and went well beyond the more commonly known reign of terror, but the federal involvement at least seemed to stop the worst of it.

Killers of the Flower Moon is a quick read, likely because of the writing skill of David Grann, its author and a veteran of The New Yorker, and it's an important piece of American history. I highly recommend this book!


View all my reviews

A book review: The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Devil in the White City is a fascinating tale. Combining a vicious serial killer's ongoing brutality with the concurrent World's Columbian Exposition (the World's Fair of 1893) in Chicago, Erik Larson paints a picture of a harsher time, not because of the killer but due to a host of circumstances surrounding life in the era, while illuminating the hope and progress embodied in the Fair.

Reading the book, one can't help but be disturbed by the sickness of the killer, Herman Webster Mudgett (who went by H.H. Holmes, among other aliases), while at the same time being impressed by the audacity of the people taking on a seemingly impossible task and eventually succeeding, thereby bringing pride to the city of Chicago and hope to its people in the midst of terrible economic times nationally. It's also startling to see how many famous names of the late 19th and early 20th centuries figured in the creation, progress and aftermath of the Fair.

I'd say I enjoyed reading Larson's Isaac's Storm a bit more than this book, but I think they both merit four stars. The Devil in the White City is an excellent book, well researched and only embellished (as when Larson admittedly paints certain murder scenes on the basis of his suppositions) as needed to complete the picture as responsibly as possible. Larson's writing can be a bit stiff. He's more professorial than one might like. As a result, the book doesn't flow as smoothly as some non-fiction works, but much can be forgiven with a well researched historical work (as opposed to a novel), so that must be a secondary issue. The somewhat stilted writing kept me from finishing this book sooner, but I do feel richer for having read it and would recommend it to anyone with an interest in history or even a good true crime story.


View all my reviews

This dog!

We've always had reasons to be proud of all of our dogs. We've loved them and been impressed by them on many occasions, but there's something about Lexi that's rather extraordinary.

Watching her carefully, you can see a rather impressive mind at work. That mind doesn't work like a human mind, but there's clearly a lot going on in there. Today, she gave us another example.

Before Marc left for work, he gave me a kiss as I was still lying in bed. He often leaves before I'm up, but this was pretty much guaranteed today, since I was out very late because it was election day. I've been working on a couple of political campaigns, and last night's results didn't come in until quite late. Anyhow...

As Marc said goodbye, he told me to keep a close eye on Lexi, because a Milk-Bone had gone astray. After an errant throw, it had landed under/behind an antique tea cart we have. Since Lexi forgets nothing, he knew she'd be after it at the first opportunity.

When I got up, Lexi and I headed downstairs. I looked under the cart to see if I could spot the biscuit. No luck. She watched me, but then she went on her way, leaving things untouched. Such a good girl!

So we did our stuff...
I had coffee.
We went out to the yard.
I fed the birds.
I read the newspaper and watched CBS This Morning.

She never went near the cart. Still being so good!

Then I hit the bathroom. And as I was indisposed, what do I hear? Yup, she's getting under the cart!

I got done as quickly as I could, came back out and found her trotting away with her best I didn't do nothin' look plastered on her face.

She waited until a time when she knew I couldn't react quickly, and then she went for it! OMG, this dog! Even after a couple of years with her, she continues to amaze. Yes, sometimes she frustrates, disobeys, angers, annoys... but still, she's impressive!

A down to earth kind of girl

Lexi is a beautiful dog. She's also very smart and very stubborn. Her intelligence and willfulness make her a challenge at times. We thought we'd be done with her training collar by now, almost two years after we got her, but she still needs it a lot of the time.

If she's wearing it, she listens. If she isn't, she knows she isn't and can be very difficult. I might laugh that off, but she could get herself hurt outside by disobeying. She's smart but not about the risks to herself.

This post, however, isn't really about all of that. Well, not directly. Rather, it's about what we expected when we got to know her. We figured that a strong-willed girl like her would be difficult about what food she would eat. For that reason--and also because we tend to spoil our dogs and want the best of everything for them--we bought her the finest gourmet dog food from the start.

What we found over time is that she has what Marc calls "luncheonette tastes." The less fancy the food gets, the happier she is. Today, we were at Petco, and I suggested we try Beneful. Yeah, I know, it's not like it's Alpo, but from the lofty heights of what we used to buy her (gourmet, super-healthy dog foods that were just this side of a Michelin-starred chef coming over to cook for her), this is a serious drop. So did she turn up her nose? Of course not! "Oh, this smells awful! I love it!" And she dove right in! The girl is a mystery.

A different world

Marc has a school reunion this weekend. So that had us flying back to Wichita, Kansas, to attend. Our friend Bob has been gracious enough to put us up in his lovely home. Bob has had the kind of brutal year I wouldn't wish on an enemy. His partner of almost 40 years, Brad, passed away suddenly earlier this year.

Despite that, you wouldn't know it to talk to Bob or to see how wonderful he is as a host. We are very fortunate to have a good friend to stay with, as well as a comfortable place to stay. We could have used points and stayed at a hotel in town, but he wouldn't hear of it. We are very fortunate. To top it all off, his home is on a lovely little lake, and I love sitting out here, enjoying the view and listening to the ducks talk to each other. Bob actually puts out food for the ducks, and so they come up to his house to eat. It's cute to watch!

    A shot from the deck. 

An interesting time of semi-employment and volunteer work

I've been unemployed for a long time now. Over a year. I never thought something like this would happen. When the old CEO retired, a number of us discussed the possibility of our being let go by a new CEO. Sure enough, the new one let every member of executive management go. She used a budget excuse, but that clearly was a lie. She just wanted to bring in her own people.

When we had those discussions, we agreed that with our experience, we shouldn't be out too long. Well, the joke was on us. I think age has something to do with it. People don't want to pay for experience, and they'd rather have someone in their 30s than their 50s. So I've now been out for over a year, passed over for jobs for which I was very well qualified. If some employers had done that, well, that's how it goes, but to have so many jobs where I can't even get a face-to-face interview, there's only one explanation I can see.

So I've helped some organizations for free, and I've been doing a bit of legal work. That pays pretty well per hour, but that's a couple of hours here and a couple there.

Thankfully, Marc is working, and we haven't piled tons of debt on ourselves. Still, this is beyond unsettling.

I'll keep doing things. I'm also working on some political efforts I believe in. So I'm staying busy and productive, but I look forward to a more normal work life one of these days!

The Blog Tribe and a time of loss

On June 30, 2004, before I'd ever heard of something called Facebook, I finally caved to pressure from my dear friend PatCH and started this blog. From the blog, I shared much of my life--and my life with Marc and our dogs--and I made some amazing friends. More true friends than I ever could have imagined.

It shouldn't have surprised me that I could make such good friends online, since my initial introduction to my best friend--my husband Marc--came on an old online technology called IRC, but still there's some surprise in the volume of dear friends who came into my life through blogging.

I often lament my lack of attention to this blog. Blogging is a far better medium than any of the newer social media, but it also requires a bit more time and thought than a Facebook post. Still, I should give it more attention.

When I think about the friends I've made on here, I'm sometimes reminded of the ones we lost. This week, we mark the passing of Scott Barnes of the blog "Sardonic Bomb", gone suddenly at the age of 50 last weekend. Earlier this year, we also lost Alex. He was only 43. He had a couple of blogs/sites, the main one I followed called "Epicureal Thoughts." Both of them were artists. Scott was a photographer. Alex painted. Both brightened their parts of the world.

The funny thing is, there are members of this blogger tribe I feel close to, even though we never met. These two are good examples. We never got to meet, but Alex's death crushed me. I agonized as he fought for his life, being in intensive care for weeks, only to lose a battle when the damage was more than the doctors could fix. Then we got the news of Scott's sudden death--at least, as Jay explained, he had just finished having fun on a rollercoaster when he died an instantaneous death. Nothing makes death okay, especially at only 50, but at least he didn't suffer.

Although we never met, Scott and I had spoken on the phone. Interestingly, one call I remember was when he'd suffered a loss. I had been through a lot by that point in my life, having lost loved ones and found ways to cope. So we talked about it. Even in tough times like that, I enjoyed our talks, as I've enjoyed the many talks I've had with his partner, Jay.

It's a human failing that we think there always will be time to meet people. That's how I thought of Scott. I missed a visit he made to New York not so long ago, but I figured I'd catch him next time. Now, after our schedules not clicking multiple times, he's gone and "next time" will never come.

I've been blessed to make so many friends on here. I hesitate to start mentioning them, because I'll miss someone. But to give you an idea of how many people this medium brought into my world: Byrne and Andy and Pony and Rob and Jay and Scott and Alex and Patrick and Jason and Matt and Patrick and Michael and Aaron and Deidre and Pua and Richard and Toddy and Jeff and Glenn and Atticus and Joel and Steven and Albert and Karen. And there are more. I feel quite sure I've missed any number of friends.

Most of these people became friends IRL (in real life). Some of them are among our dearest friends now. But even those we never got to meet became close. Over time, you can develop quite a connection through blogging, then private messages and then phone calls. Three of the people I just mentioned are gone. They were too young, but we don't get to decide that. They're gone, and while I never got to hug those three and see them face-to-face, their loss is very real.

Rest in peace, my friends. And the rest of us? Let's not allow too much time to slip by between meetings. Okay?

I've discovered the secret to immortality!

And the secret to immortality is... mothballs!

My grandmother died over 13 years ago. We inherited some lovely furniture from her. In some of the furniture, she'd used mothballs.

Sometime last year, my sandals got dropped into a drawer. Probably after our summer trip to Savannah.

Since it's pretty warm today, I dug them out. I'm now walking around with the smell of Nana Nan's mothballs wafting up at me. *sigh*

Nana lives on!

Sorry blog. I don't mean to abandon you. For now, here's a book review!

The Prisoner by Alex Berenson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The Prisoner is the latest installment in the John Wells series by Alex Berenson. Unlike too many other authors' series, the John Wells novels don't take the easy or simple route. Our hero doesn't have magical strokes of luck or flashes of (literally) unbelievable intuition that save the day.

Wells is smart, experienced and tough, but he's still human. He makes mistakes and he feels his wounds. He can endure things that would finish most of us, but he still pays a price. In The Prisoner, he tries to balance a part of him that's pulling him to domestic life and tranquility that he's certainly earned against his internal call to duty that he can't resist. A serious threat is looming--a threat coming from a place that jeopardizes the US too much for him to ignore--and he can't just walk away.

To try to get to the bottom of it, Wells has to put himself in dangerous places he knows all too well, risking his own safety in the process. The tension in The Prisoner is palpable, and, sadly, much of the action is all too plausible in today's world. If you like espionage/terrorism-centered novels but find yourself rolling your eyes at some of the more simplistic authors' work, then you should try this series. Alex Berenson writes novels that make you think, don't take easy ways out and still give you an exciting ride!


View all my reviews

This is the example a leader should set?

Our new president continues to be hard to understand or believe. Still, the ease with which people can push his buttons can be entertaining.

Honestly, I'm partly horrified and partly pleased with every silly thing that sets off a Trump storm. The pleasure comes from the fact that few people deserve the irritation more than he (that, and it keeps him from doing more damaging things with that time). The horror is fueled by the example he's setting. How many millions think this kind of childish behavior is acceptable in an adult? I don't believe that leaders used to be without flaws--far from it--but there were certain expectations and levels of respect that were understood to be a requirement of such positions.

But this behavior? The way this man behaves would have gotten me in trouble as a child, let alone as an adult. My parents weren't old fashioned in most ways. In fact, they were very open, accepting people, but they did expect certain standards to be observed, particularly in public. For example, when I was a kid, I was taught that if I were lost or in trouble, I should look for a police officer. And then there's that title, police officer. I remember once using the term "cop," and I was nicely but quite firmly reminded that this is a person who works to protect the rest of us and is entitled to respect. I was to say police officer. RESPECT mattered.

Okay, that example may be a little out of date--different times--but respect still matter. Certain levels of civility and respect are vital. In the latest Trump bad behavior, he is showing his disdain for the courts, because judges have dared question the Constitutionality of his actions. This is unspeakably damaging to the Republic. No president before this one would do this. He is signaling to millions that it's okay to disrespect the judiciary. Not that judges don't make bad decisions--no one is perfect--but respect for the courts' role is vital. The three branches must respect each other's role.

This man isn't fit to be president. Anyone who could act as he does is simply unfit. So keep torturing him via Twitter and wherever else. He deserves every bit of it! Sadly, none of that is going to measure up to the damage he may be doing to our country!

Sources of satisfaction

As you may know, I lost my job about 8 months ago. Nothing I did to deserve it. My CEO retired, and the new one wanted to bring in her own people. I (and some other people) were in the way. That's life, unfortunately.

Since then, I've been looking for work. Given my experience and credentials, prior periods of unemployment (like when St. Vincent's went bankrupt and we all got laid off) were relatively short. A month or so. Not this time!

I've had some nibbles, but really very few interviews for this much time. No new job, either. Along the way, Marc and I talked about my starting my own business. I'd certainly seen others do the same.

So I went through the process to create an LLC for some protection, got myself insured, and I'm figuring out what to market and how. Luckily, my husband is a marketing guru!

Did I mention that it's unnerving and depressing to be unemployed? And every rejection for a job is a rejection of you as a person? Maybe I shouldn't take it that way, but that's how it feels!

Half our income is gone, but we've been careful over the years, so we're not buried in debt. Our care is being rewarded now. We have to budget much more carefully, but we're okay!

Back to the main thought behind this post--in the midst of disappointment, frustration and self-doubt, working on this business idea has been a real mood booster. We don't have the first penny of business yet, but building a structure and watching it come together has made me feel so much better!

All I'm doing this evening, as I watch the Super Bowl in the background, is sketching out more of the services we can provide, and it's so satisfying to see it down on paper! Not doing business yet, but I'm getting something done. That's enough for now!

Maybe there is no complete healing

Marc has told me many times that grief over the loss of a dear loved one is something you get through but you never really get over. He may be right.

Like so many of us, I've suffered terribly painful losses in my life. My Dad. My Mom. A number of others dear to me. I've realized over the years that my reaction to grief is to try to bury it as deep as I can. I was raised to be strong for those around me and not cry. That was my Dad's advice. He was a very loving father, and he meant well.

In any case, I did that with the biggest losses in my life. But I've realized over time that the pain doesn't go anywhere. It's buried in there, just waiting for something that makes it leak out. 20 years ago, I might have been moved by a film I saw but never would have been brought to tears. But now? Push the right buttons, and I'm all choked up.

What really brought this home today was a reminder of Jet. She was our dog when I was a boy. She was two years older than me, and she died when I was in elementary school. Here's a photo of me and Jet when I was 3 and she was 5:

Today's reminder brought me back to a day in 1978. I came home from school as usual. When I got here, the TV was on, and there was a commercial on for the Bronx Zoo. There was a lion on the screen. I said to Mom, "speaking of lions, where's Jet?" And Mom told me... Jet was gone. I remember I cried then, but in the years to come I got better about burying it, even as the losses piled up.

I'm crying as I type this, remembering that day when Jet died. That's almost 40 years ago. So when does the pain fade away? I guess maybe it doesn't. I'll always miss everyone. Dad, Mom, Uncle Allan... everyone. And the doggies... Jet, Hoyt, Bernice, Mandy and my baby boy Dodger. It seems the pain's never gone. I've just hidden it away. I guess it's how I am, and I need to make the best of it.

I'm busy enough to retire

After these months of unemployment, I'm now sure. I could retire right now. I just need someone to give me a big pile of money, so Marc and I don't need to work anymore. If I could just get that pile of money, I have plenty of non-work things to fill my day!

Whether I'm running errands, tending to household repairs or any of the many other things that fill my day, I continue to be amazed by how full these days are. As busy as when I'm working? No, I suppose not. But busy enough that I could accomplish enough each day to feel like I'm getting things done. Throw in a little of the volunteer work I'd enjoy doing, and I definitely feel ready for retirement. Now I just need that money! Any of you nice folks want to help us out? Don't be shy! ;-)

Thunderstorm Asthma? Is that like my "Extrinsic Asthma"?

‘Thunderstorm Asthma’ Kills 8 in Australia

This story got my attention, not just as an interesting story but because it may shed some light on a personal mystery. Years ago, I started having some trouble getting a full breath. I had medical tests done, saw specialists and they found nothing. One doctor's best guess--and it was very clearly a guess--was what he called "extrinsic asthma."

I've had allergies all my life. As a kid, I spent 8 years going to the allergist every Friday for shots. Yes, allergy shots. Every Friday after school. That helped, but eventually we were told I was as good as the shots would get me. The severity of my allergies varies, but they're always there. I'm allergic to pretty much anything that can float through the air--pollen, dander, dust and on & on. The doctor's guess was that when my allergies sufficiently irritated my lungs, my bronchial tree would get inflamed. While not meeting the technical definition of asthma, the effect is the same. Fortunately, it's never been so severe that it has threatened my survival, and I hope it never does! But trust me, not being able to get a full breath is quite a distressing feeling. On top of that, it always takes weeks or months to go away.

My "extrinsic asthma" recurs every few years. In the past, I've been through all manner of tests. I've had more cardiac tests than I care to remember. (When you're obese, they immediately think anything like this is cardiac.) After two rounds of those, a few years apart, I stopped them from doing it again the next time. We just went with a simple EKG--no thallium heart scans, stress tests, etc.--and ruled out heart issues.

I've been to pulmonologists a couple of times. The last guy put me through lots of tests, including one that determined I have 127% lung capacity. Not sure what that compares to--127% compared to what?--but he clearly had no idea what was going on. (I wasn't actively having my issues right then, so...)

Anyhow, this "thunderstorm asthma" makes pretty clear that an allergy attack can drive asthmatic symptoms. Actually, this is pretty scary, since this thing killed people. But it validates the "extrinsic asthma" theory. Maybe it's that simple. My allergies irritate my lungs, and eventually they rebel. Now, if I could just figure out how to tell when that's building up, so I can take Benadryl or whatever and head it off. No luck with that so far, but I think I have more faith in this answer now.

Two years without our Dodger

If you know us, you probably know Dodger. Maybe you met him or maybe you knew him through this blog or Facebook. In any case, you know that he was a very special part of our lives.

Two years ago today, he died. We helped him in that process, and I still feel guilty about that. Don't get me wrong--on an intellectual level, I know his time had come. His body was failing him. We'd done everything we (and the vets) could. The night before he died, he couldn't even get up to go out, and that was with meds and his special harness to help him walk. He'd been having serious trouble, on and off, for months. But we'd reached the point where he really was done.

Logical thoughts are not what haunt me, however. Emotions do. Deep down, I feel like I failed him. I feel like, if I looked hard enough, I could have found some other way to help him. He would have given his life to protect me, and I had a hand in taking his life. It feels so wrong. I'm sorry, Dodger! I wish I knew what else to do!

I loved all of our dogs--and I love this crazy girl we have here today--but Dodger was very unusual. He was smart, but others are smart. He also had a personality that was very human. He showed his opinions, and he had a sharp wit. I know... wit in a dog? Oh, yes. You could see it in action if you lived with him. He was quite amazing.

By the way, he didn't always have that white face, but that's how some knew him and many of our friends remember him. Here's a shot from when he was about four-and-a-half years old:

From the look, he either was in no mood to have his photo taken or I'd done something wrong. :-) Most of the time, he was ready with a smile!

We say that Bernice was the one who defined all the things a dog is supposed to be, but Dodger combined dog traits with an amazingly human personality. He also had great judgment. We knew our friend Sid was someone we were likely to keep in our lives for the long run. A couple of months before Dodger died, we barely knew Sid from rugby, but he needed some portraits done, so I agreed to shoot them.

Now, one of Dodger's traits was that he wouldn't welcome just anyone into his home, even if we did. Rather, he'd observe them for a bit and then decide if they were worthy of his attention. He exercised his judgment freely, and his judgment about people tended to be sound. Well, when he met Sid, this is what happened virtually the instant Sid arrived...

For Dodgie, it was love at first sniff. That's all we needed to know. And sure enough, Sid became and remains a close friend.

As I got in bed last night, with Lexi between Marc and me, I remembered how Dodgie spent his last night in that same spot. We knew the end was coming, and we wanted him to be as comfortable as possible. Really, we always did. But once that thought entered my mind... well, I didn't sleep much last night. Today marks two years without our sweet, wonderful little boy. I'm starting to cry again as I type this. I do try to remember all the joy he brought, but I miss him so much! I'm sorry, my Dodgie! I wish you could still be here with us, happy and healthy! Rest in peace, my little boy!

A dog after my own heart

Lexi has this thing she does in the morning, called "going back to bed." Marc gets up earlier than me. That's not unusual, as he's a morning person. He also has a job. I got up not long after, but Lexi knows there's about an hour that she can come back, hop on the bed and curl up against my legs after she has gotten her breakfast and yard visit from Marc.

But now we've reached a new level of canine accomplishment. She may be a full-of-energy less-than-two-years-old pup, but she knows the value of a comfy bed! After I got up this morning, she watched me go brush my teeth, get dressed, etc., and then she just watched me leave. The look on her face seemed to say, "I'm good right here. You go have fun! I'm here if you need me."

After a while, she came downstairs, but I had to laugh. She just watched me go, while she relaxed on the bed.

Patience may be a virtue, but it isn't easy!

Six months ago today, our new CEO called me in to tell me she'd decided to eliminate my position. She claimed my job--and some others--had to go, due to budget problems. It sounded like a lie, because I knew they'd still need HR leadership for such a large organization. Also, I handled legal matters, in addition to my HR work, and sending those to outside counsel certainly wasn't going to save money!

Sure enough, my suspicions eventually were confirmed when she hired someone she knew well after I left. She just had to "reorganize," so she could bring in her guy--after a "lengthy search" that magically selected the person she already knew.

C'est la vie! Ironically, right before the layoff meeting, Marc and I had given a friend a chunk of money to help him with expenses as things were very tight for him. No regrets there. Helping friends is one of life's joys. But the timing was unbelievable.

Marc has been the best support I could ask. He's encouraged me to be patient. He has told me not to jump at just anything--that I should wait for a job that's worth it.

Still, it's so hard to be patient. I've been searching every day. I've been on interviews. I've seen jobs that I decided weren't worth it. I have more opportunities coming up. I'm also looking into building a consulting business. Whether it's a side business or becomes something bigger, we shall see. In the meantime, I'm hoping I'll get a job sometime soon. We have been careful about money and debt over our years together, so we're okay for now, but I really don't like this. I hope my 6 months' patience is rewarded soon! Send good thoughts my way!

That would have made Star Trek: The Next Generation even better

Time to revive my poor, yet-again-neglected blog. And what better reason to restart it than the sighting of a hot man? This afternoon, as I was doing chores, I was watching an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, called "The Outrageous Okona."

When I saw Captain Thadiun Okona, I was... interested. Marc is the one who remembers actors, their names, etc.  I'm pretty bad about such things. Anyhow, the actor was Billy Campbell. He looked like this in the episode:

Looking him up, I was reminded of some of his roles. I also read that he was the first choice to play Commander Riker. No offense to Jonathan Frakes, but... wow, he could have been Commander Riker? I was and am a Trek fan anyhow, but looking at this every week wouldn't have been too much of a hardship!:

Come on, would that have been so much to ask?

Musings on stuff blowing up

So the explosions in Tianjin, China, got me thinking about the forces we can unleash and how puny we are in comparison to the mess our efforts can make. The estimates I heard were that it was equivalent to 21 tons of TNT. Pretty damn big, since that's 42,000 pounds, and one pound of TNT would do plenty of damage. For reference:

But going back to the China explosions. 21 tons of TNT, you saw that horror on the news. And then think back to the A-bombs. Hiroshima was hit by the equivalent of 15,000 tons of TNT. 30,000,000 pounds equivalent.

And then when the big countries really play like boys with new toys... Ever hear of the Czar Bomba? During the really entertaining part of the Cold War, the Soviets came up with that one. They scaled it back, because the original yield was so big that the plane dropping it couldn't have escaped, even with the drogue chute slowing it down. The scaled-down version had a yield in excess of 50 megatons. That is, comparing to the China explosions' 21 tons of yield, 50,000,000+ tons. (The pre-scaling back plan was for a 100 megaton bomb.) If you want to know more...

And the really fun part? Have you heard of the explosion of the Krakatoa volcano? That would be nature showing us that, yes, we remain mere ants in the grand scheme. The Krakatoa volcanic explosion is estimated to have had about 4 times the power of the Czar Bomba. Take that, humans!

Nice upgrade

I'm traveling for business. Alas, Marc couldn't tag along, and I can't stand being apart from him. But that's not what this is about. Rather, it's about the plane I'm in as I type this. I've never been a fan of the 737. It should have been a creation of Airbus, because that's how it always felt to me--like a flying bus.

Well, this plane is a 737, but it's not what I'm used to. It's a newer model, the Boeing 737-900ER, and it's quite a difference from what I usually think of as a 737. Many upgrades and modern touches, from the seats to the cabin lighting to the entertainment systems.

Nicely done! I hope more airliners get this kind of treatment!

The mysteries of life

I'm flying to Savannah to meet Marc at our new vacation/rental home. (Due to work schedules, he was able to go yesterday.) I couldn't get a nonstop flight at a good price, so I'm going to Atlanta where I have a connection to a Savannah flight.

As I type this on my iPad (for posting later--in airplane mode now, of course), I am waiting out a mystery. The flight attendant, Javier, has a lovely accent, but his accent was enough for me to be unclear as to whether dinner is beet salad or beef salad. Either may turn out to be interesting from a culinary point of view, but I honestly don't know what to expect, despite hearing him say it several times as he addressed me and the nearby passengers (and told us that he was sorry but it--whatever it is--is the only thing available today). 

But at least this is a distraction from the guy across the way who has spent the entire flight, thus far, playing solitaire with real cards and shuffling the damn things loudly several times before each hand. That may sound minor, but after a while, the urge to beat him with the drink cart sounds reasonable!

-------------------------

Update: Beef it is. Really, three small pieces of roast beef with some dressing. It'll do!