Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Introducing the newest super-heroes... The Anal Gland Girls

Anal gland power... activate!

Welcome to the stinkier part of my life, and be warned... This post ain't pretty!

You may have heard that small dogs have problems with their anal glands. Well, I have some larger dogs who would choose to differ with those who say this is a "small dog" issue.

Today, I took Bernice and Mandy in for their annual tune-ups. (As I tell the vet's people, "lube & oil and rotate the paws.")

Well, sure enough, they both had enlarged anal glands. Dodger gets this, too, and had the joy of having his squeezed when he had his tune-up last fall.

In case you haven't had the joy of being around for this procedure, the vet sticks a finger (or more than one finger, perhaps? I try not to watch too carefully!) up the poor dog's butt and squeezes out the excess fluid. Someday, I may have to set up a camera to capture each dog's face when this occurs. Bernice tries to take it in stride, but Mandy always gets a look that clearly says, "WHAT THE HELL?!"

This solves a problem for the dogs--as this can get to be a serious issue--but the fluid that comes out... Well, imagine what something that has aged in a dog's butt for a year might smell like. Yeah, that's the idea.

After each one is done, the vet cleans her butt-fur, but there's always residue. Needless to say, the residue is fragrant. I spread plastic inside the truck, and I scream at the dogs repeatedly during the ride home, trying to get them to just stay flat and immobile. I dread the thought of them pulling aside the plastic (which they like to do, since they understandably don't like the plastic) and getting their lovely juices on the carpet on the back of the folded-down seats. It has happened before, and, believe me, it takes a lot of shampooing to make sure that smell is gone!

Once home, I had the joy of giving them showers. Dog showers are normally a lovely experience--cooperative, they are not--and are made that much more joyous by the need to pay extra attention to their, um... flanks.

All in all, a lovely day. Oh, the icing on the cake... check-up, shots, bloodwork, a year of Sentinel pills (anti-flea, anti-heartworm, etc., etc.) for two dogs: $660. Having their annual check-ups while I'm unemployed: priceless.


SAMerican Revolution said...

Beautiful post. It brought a tear to my eye.

Greg said...

Disturbing yet I couldn't turn my eyes away. Like a car crash. Wonderful post.

Zeitzeuge said...

I'm a loss for words.

Ok, I'm not.


Homer said...

Cats have anal glands too. My cats like to be patted vigorously and sometimes their little anal glands expel. Ohmigod, I was sitting at my desk and wondering, "What is that smell?" and looked down and Joey had expelled right on my hand. That was soooo nasty.