Today, the Assistant Director of Nursing in one of our divisions asked for my help. She had an RN who had been out sick, who was supposed to come back on a given day and was MIA for a few extra days. This particular RN sometimes could be a little tricky to deal with, so she asked me to come to the meeting.
When we met with him, the RN explained that, yes, he had been sick. He even had a doctor's note. That, however, is not what kept him from coming back.
His partner, who he (and his supervisors, based on prior conversations) knew was sick, had needed surgery. He has cancer and barely made it through surgery this week.
As he spoke, he was telling me how long he had been with his partner (31 years) and how much he loved him. Apparently, he was worried that we wouldn't respect a gay relationship. Yes, it's a sad, cruel world, and his concern was understandable. Of course, I immediately put that to rest, telling him that we'd do whatever was needed to let him be there for his partner.
As we continued to talk, he made clear that this surgery was just a delaying action. He's coming to grips with the fact that the cancer is going to kill the man he loves.
As he spoke, I felt the pain of my own past losses and also thought how I'd feel if it were me sitting there and Marc were so sick. The thought of that, together with my sympathy for the pain etched on this poor man's face, nearly had me break down and cry.
When it comes to some things, I'm selfish. I don't want to live to see Marc sick. As some have heard me say, my preferred life path has the two of us living to happy old age (maybe 140 years old or so, but amazingly robust!). Then, while on some fabulous trip, our plane flies right into the side of a mountain. One moment we're smiling at each other, having just said "I love you" to each other for the billionth time; then, in a flash too sudden for our minds to even register, it's over.
Yeah, I know, dream on. Even so, I just can't stand the thought of him being sick. Life truly can be cruel.
If I can leave you with but one message this evening, dear reader, let it be this: cherish every moment and cherish the ones you love. The sad truth is that we're completely impotent when it comes to life's events, so enjoy the good things in life when you can!
5 comments:
Great advice. It's good to be reminded of that every now and again.
Best wishes to the RN and his partner.
This post hit so close to home. I lost my partner suddenly and with no warning after 32 years. Living without him is like learning to live as a paraplegic. My heart goes out to the RN. Never let a chance to say I love you pass by unsaid. Trust me on this.
I've been thinking about this post for two days.
What you said about imagining Marc ill hit home. But it isn't sickness that weights on my mind. I can too easily imagine hearing on CNN that my husband's plane has crashed.
Sometimes I think it is good that he has to deploy for a few months out of every year. It makes us stop and really appreciate what we have in each other.
If he does go down, he'll go down knowing how much I love him.
Things like this make you sit up and really think. *hugs*
I recently got engaged. I've lost my mother (who raised me alone) and my younger brother, and my partner has lost both his parents.
I feel like I have a strange kind of double vision when I think about the arc of our future: on the one hand, we're just starting out and I'm looking forward to building our life together, but on the other hand we're both in our late 30s and I can certainly see the end from here already.
I think the evanescence really makes me perceive how incredibly precious he is.
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