Monday, February 28, 2005

Every gay boy should have one of these!

I'm in love. Yes, with Marc, but we knew that. That's not what I meant. I actually was referring to a new love. Here's a picture...



Okay, it's a toilet, but you probably can see that there's something else going on here. Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, there sure is!

This toilet washes your ass. Yes, it washes your ass with nice, warm water. It's like a built-in, advanced version of a bidet. Not only does it wash, you can vary the strength of the stream, and it has a massage setting! Here you can see Marc tricking it into spraying without someone sitting there (it has an IR sensor that has to be blocked for it to work)...



It also deodorizes, and it has a feature that air-dries your butt! :)

So how does one control all of this? With this...



So you ask, "but Jess, are those all of the controls?" Well, no, now that you mention it, it flips open to reveal more...



So it cleans (you and itself before and after each use), the seat is heated, it dries you, it deodorizes... and the pressure and flow can be adjusted. But (butt?) what really matters is...

It cleans and water-massages your ass! :) Also, as an added bonus, you may have noticed the settings on the control pad that say Bidet-Back and Bidet-Front. It aims at different areas on command!

I told Marc that under Bidet-Back we should write "ass", and under Bidet-Front we should write "Balls/Cat" (you know, depending upon whether it's a boy or a girl using it--yes, we do know a few girls!).

The bottom (so to speak) line is, this thing does a magnificent--and very enjoyable!--job of cleaning one's butt and, um... well, some would call it the "taint"... so what more could a boy want? Especially if you want to be nice and fresh for that special someone or any hot date! ;)

15 comments:

Tuna Girl said...

I knew it! You said "something special for the house" and I thought, hmmm, I bet they got a bidet.

Your toilet is more complicated than my VCR. I love it!

(p.s. I don't know what the hell I did in that last comment!)

obliquity said...

Okay, you're just teasing me with the toilet because I said I want to make love to your kitchen counters in Marc's blog. :-)

It's all so utilitarian and sex toy chic all at once. Modern technology rocks.

Charlie said...

Hi Jess, thanks for stopping by! I've linked you as well.

P.S. That is one cool toilet!

Adam875 said...

Okay, but have you seen the TV commercial for this? I blogged about it ages ago and I'm still shocked! It posits that you wouldn't shower with just toilet paper, you need water to get truly clean. Which is all well and good, but it opens with a man in a shower with nothing but toilet paper, trying to scrub shit from his body!!!

Okay, now that that's out of the way... how does it clean itself?

paulintally said...

I must have one! LOL Thanks for the morning laugh. You guys are so modern now. Don't forget the little people.

ruggerjohnnyd said...

So me thinks me knows where you will be spending a lot of time now... LOL.

http://ruggerjohnnyd.blogs.com

Jess said...

TG: yeah, it's a little complicated but well worth the effort to learn! :)

Obliquity: Not teasing. You're welcome to visit and give all of it a test ride! ;)

Charlie: Thanks on both counts. :)

Adam: I'm afraid to look at that link you included! Maybe I'll work up the nerve to take a peek tonight, but I'm sure not going to look here at work! :) As for cleaning itself, it retracts into a hidden area, makes lots of noise, uses a bunch of water and gets itself clean. Mind you, it also can stick the nozzle out for manual cleaning, and I'm sure I'll be doing that regularly just to be safe. If we have guests use it, I'd think some sort of cleaning with something sanitizing would be in order, although it's supposedly quite safe and efficient on its own.

Paul: We'd never forget you, honey.

John: You sure got that right! ;)

Crash said...

Wouldn't it have been more fun to hire some cute little houseboy to take care of this for you instead of the toilet?

Greg said...

Wow! I'd never have to leave the house trolling...er, searching for a datable man....

david said...

toto makes a good product. Brondell makes a better cost-effective product. check out the Swash @ Brondell.com for a good ~$500 toilet seat.

Jase said...

That is really cool, a little scary, and totally awesome!

Water splashing on the bum always reminds me of.. uhm.. 'splash backs'. I don't know how comfortable I'd be with a massaging bidet.. I guess I can practice with my showerhead.

Andy said...

And I was worried people would think I'm crazy because I said today I wanted to marry my iPod. The air dry feature is the best! I've used bidets in Europe, but afterwards I was like...well, now what? My ass is wet! And wet toilet paper just shreds, so it's not a good towel. Wow, that was TMI, sorry.

Jess said...

Crash: have anyone in mind for that job? :)

Greg: I'm not sure I'll be getting out much myself, once we move in there!

David: Too late now. Everything's installed. But it's okay. We like Toto toilets.

Jase: the thought of you with that showerhead. Oh my. Lucky showerhead! ;)

Andy: Nah. That was fine. :)

Brechi said...

omg...that is the highest-tech toilet i have ever seen! wowie :)

OnlyInTheSouthEnd said...

Wow ... gives a whole new meaning to the word rimjob!