A WONDERFUL IDEA

Okay, it's my idea, so of course I think it's wonderful.

NOTE: IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED (OR LACK A SENSE OF HUMOR), BUZZ OFF

Okay, with that said, I have a great business idea. I told Marc, but he seems rather skeptical.

Clearly, this country has taken a frightening swing to the right, with Christian conservatives leading the charge. Having heard that this is a "Christian nation" to the point of nausea, I've taken a break from reminding these idiots of the separation of church and state and the Founding Fathers' determination that this not be a Christian nation.

Instead, I've decided that I should go with the flow and do what they expect Jews like me to do anyhow--separate them from their money. So now comes the brilliant part.

We need a Christian theme park chain. It will be like Sea World but more Christian. I will call it... are you ready for this? ...

PORPOISE CHRISTI

Good, huh? :) For some reason, Marc rolled his eyes when I told him.

We will have a large porpoise statue at the entrance, standing up on its tail (you know, like they do in all of those Sea World shows), but with its little head bowed and its flippers together as if in prayer. This would be appropriate, since all of our animals would be reverent and would swim in holy water (I'm sure we could grease some local priest to bless the water for us).

The porpoise statue would say "Porpoise Christi" over it and "The Dolphin of Christ" underneath it. Marc pointed out that dolphins and porpoises are different, but I reminded him of two things: 1) most people don't know this; and 2) since we'll be drawing no Jews to this, the odds of anyone being smart enough to know this are even smaller.

(Given how many Christian friends I have--not to mention a Christian partner--I expect some serious grief for that last comment!) :)

We could franchise the food stands, but we'd require special procedures. For example, you might buy chicken nuggets at a food stand, but they wouldn't be delivered in a little tray. Instead, you'd stand in front of a server, mouth open, and the server would place one piece at a time in your mouth while intoning, "the nugget of Christ."

I still have to work out the rest of this, but it's going to be big. If you're a creative person with a good mind for business, I'm sure you can see this. Of course, investors will be needed, so get your checkbooks ready. Join with me, brothers and sisters! This is our path to wealth and glory!