Friday, December 24, 2004

Tragedy strikes beloved Christmas figure

Washington, DC (AP)--The Defense Department, in a hastily assembled Christmas Eve news conference, announced what a spokesperson is terming "an unfortunate incident of 'friendly fire' that occurred as fighter jets engaged what was believed to be a hostile aircraft over northeast Maine."

While details are as yet unavailable, early reports indicate that an error at NORAD misdirected an armed fighter patrol to the well-known tracking of the annual visit of Santa Claus and his reindeer-drawn sleigh. Rescue teams have been dispatched to the crash scene, but early indications are that there were no survivors of the crash.

Based upon the limited information currently available, it appears that a pair of F-16 fighters engaged the "hostile target" with long-distance stand-off missiles. As the missiles impacted the target, the jets were rapidly closing on the target's position. Just after the missiles exploded on target, the fighter pilots indicated seeing a puff of red fabric and pieces of what appeared to be antlers.

The crash scene is spread over a large area, with charred pieces of sleigh and many presents being arrayed across a largely uninhabited area of northeastern Maine. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld extended his condolences to Mrs. Claus but placed some of the blame on Santa, stating that his failure to adjust his tradition to the current threat posed by terrorists was "reckless and invited just such a tragedy."

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