Megaphones and machineguns

We got lots of things done today, but aggravation was literally around every corner. It seems that there is a large portion of the population that doesn't get behind the wheel, except for holidays and weekends. When they do, look out!

Today, being a holiday with nice weather, got them all out. So we had the joys of people making right turns from the left lane, people looking for an address--not by using a map or asking directions but, rather, by driving 15mph in a 40 zone--and every other brilliant driver who isn't out during a normal day.

So I've decided that I need some extra options in my next car. For one thing, I need some kind of public address system, so I can freely express opinions like, "hey, dumbass, get out of the way! If you don't know where you're going, get off the road and figure it out, instead of wasting everyone else's time!"

Selfish pricks.

See? I'm a lifelong New Yorker, and I'm very laid back about driving! :)

Now, for some people, like those who cut me off so they can do brilliant things like suddenly deciding to cut over to an exit or make a right turn when they're in the left lane, I need something a little more impactful. (Oh, and let's not forget people who run red lights/stop signs, which seems to be accepted freely these days, those who weave in and out of traffic at high speeds... well, the list goes on and on.)

For those who really push my buttons, I will need the "machineguns option package" in my next vehicle. Seriously, I used to say that I wanted fifty-caliber machineguns in my car, but I suppose that's a bit much.

Thirty-caliber should be fine! Maybe forward-mounted twin thirties, and I'll need some sort of eye-controlled targeting to pick off the weaving ones with precision.

I really think this is a small thing to ask, especially since the DMV keeps ignoring my lists--is it so much to ask them to revoke the licenses and registrations of people whose plate numbers I take the time to mail in? I don't think so!

So I need to take action!

One last idea: if Scotty ever gets the transporter working again, cute boys who drive like idiots will be spared the machineguns. Instead, they will beamed directly to a holding pen where they can wait for an opportunity to earn their freedom. ;)