Sunday, December 06, 2009

Maybe the mean people have it right

I don't really mean that. Mean people suck, and I'll never change my opinion on that. Still, sometimes I wish I could just tell some people to hit the road. When someone is doing the "woe is me" routine, I can't just tell them to fuck off. If they had encountered some serious heartache (illness--their own or a loved one's--or long-term unemployment or the loss of a loved one), then I could understand the melancholy. But the ones who just want to wallow in it really drive me nuts.

Through the years, I've also had the good fortune to know people who pushed on, no matter what happened. Not that they didn't get sad or upset, but they didn't take that as their long-term license to drag everyone else down.

I always try to be optimistic. I think it's the smart way to live. Yes, life has its pain, no question. I've gotten through my fair share. Still, what's the point of worrying about the bad things that could happen?

Back to my original point... I'm too nice to some people, and that gives some the feeling that they're free to dump on me. This Intertubes thingie has just made it worse. Going back to my days on IRC, I was way too supportive to people who didn't want support; they just wanted to spread misery.

Now comes Facebook. Mostly, it's a fun way to keep up with friends, but I recently got a friend request from a guy from overseas. We had a mutual friend in common, so I said okay to the friend request (even though I usually limit that to people I know). At this point, I suspect the mutual friend doesn't really know him, either, but that's another matter.

This guy chats with me whenever he sees me online. It's always the same thing. He needs a job, but you only can get one if you "know someone" or pay someone off. He wants to go out with someone, but he's afraid of what will happen. And on and on.

His problems may well be real--although I've also learned the hard way that people are quite bold online and make things up with impunity--but what am I supposed to do about it? I've encouraged him to tackle his problems head-on, talk to friends to find work, take whatever jobs he can and build from there, etc. Regarding dating, what can I really say? He says he's bi, but, from what he says, he really seems to be gay but scared. Given where he lives (even worse homophobia than here), I can understand that, but what can I do about it?

I've given him what advice I can, over and over again, but he just seems to enjoy having a pity party. I dread seeing him online, and it makes me hesitate to even go onto Facebook. I know I should "unfriend" him. I also should delete him from Yahoo IM, as he asked to be on there, too.

I just feel so mean cutting this guy off. Still, I don't owe him anything. I'm tempted to say, "you have to stop dumping on me, or I'll unfriend you," but I don't know if there's any point. We don't seem to have much in common. Maybe I should just make a quick, clean break. However I do it--if I do it--I know I'll feel guilty. Of course, this is why it has been week after week of being depressed by someone I've never met (and, in all likelihood, never will meet).

This probably is a flaw on my part. *sigh* No, I don't want to be a mean person, but it would simplify some things!


Footed Pjs said...

Put him in a list in facebook that can't see your online status. Not everyone you meet online can be as cool as I am!

Pua; Bakin' and Tendin' Bar said...

Jess, you are one of the most compassionate, kind, and supportive people I know. But, there are some people who take advantage of people like you. I call those people "soul sappers" because they just drain you. There is nothing you can say or do and if you continue to "be there" (which is a natural inclination for caring people) for them, they will completely tap you out. For your own mental well-being, don't wait too long. Footed Pjs has the right idea...block them. Sometimes we nice folk have to be mean for our own survival.

ATG said...

Some people in the world will just suck your life spirit away if you let them. You may have to think of your own mental health first and delete him.

I've had to bite the bullet and do that with someone on FB too, if that makes you feel any better.