An all-too-real nightmare

Among the various meetings I attend, as a senior-level hospital center administrator, is the “Executive Safety Meeting”. At this meeting, we discuss issues of concern under our roof, as well as planned preventive measures and alerts we’ve received from outside organizations and agencies.

Recently, we received a “Sentinel Event Alert” from the Joint Commission, an oversight organization I’ve mentioned in previous posts. Sentinel Events are major errors and other events causing what are euphemistically referred to as “negative patient outcomes.”

This particular alert, drawn from real events at hospitals around the country, warns of problems with “anesthesia awareness” and suggests some procedures to avoid this happening.

What is anesthesia awareness? (N.B.: This is where the squeamish among you may wish to stop reading. In fact, I almost wish I hadn’t heard of this!)

Anesthesia awareness is something that can happen when someone is undergoing surgery or some other procedure and has been given anesthesia to put them under and a drug to paralyze much of their musculature, so that the procedure may be completed.

The “awareness” part comes when the amount of anesthesia turns out to be insufficient, so that the patient becomes aware of what’s going on while the surgery is still going on!!! Unfortunately, the drug causing muscular paralysis is still working, so they can’t do anything about this, like start screaming. I don’t have much to add, except that the very thought of this is horrifying.

I’m glad it hasn’t happened under our roof, but the fact that it apparently has happened elsewhere, enough times for a national alert to go out, is sufficient to scare the bejeezus out of me!

An interesting development

Supreme Court declines Massachusetts same-sex marriage fight

As a lawyer, I know not to read too much into the Supreme Court declining to hear a case. Also, this certainly isn't the end of the fight. Even so, I find it interesting that the Supreme Court chose not to wade into these waters, at least for now.

Now, if only Marc and I were in Massachusetts!

Against the laws of nature!

No, this isn't about some new sexual position we've tried. This, actually, has to do with a trip to the supermarket (no, no sex in the aisles, either!). :)

Tonight, while grocery shopping, I saw excellent examples of an alleged vegetable of which I'd previously taken note but only in passing. Yes, I am speaking of broccoflower.

It's called broccoflower, because it looks like a combination of broccoli and cauliflower. I had heard that it actually was created as a hybrid of these two vegetables, but that apparently isn't the case. Amazing what you can learn on these Internets. (Do you think I owe W a royalty for using his term?) :)

Having seen it up close, I can confirm what I had suspected. As much as I find broccoli and cauliflower barely tolerable, this stuff is visually repulsive. Actually, it does bring one good feeling... a happy memory.

(This is where I go off on a tangent so sharp that you can almost hear tires squealing in the turn!) When I was a kid, we had a dog named Jet. Jet's birthday was on St. Patrick's Day.

Now, my Mom was an excellent cook, making all kinds of things from scratch, but one year Jet's birthday brought a real surprise.

Mom baked a green cake! Yes, green. Green cake, green icing--the whole thing was green, a birthday cake inspired by the holiday on which the birthday fell.

Knowing how good my Mom was in the kitchen, I knew it would taste good. The only question was, would Jet eat it? I should have realized that was a dumb question. Would Jet eat cake? Jet ate everything!

My Dad later described the scene as follows: Mom put down a large piece of cake in front of Jet. Jet looked at it, sniffed it, opened her mouth like a boa constrictor, unhinging her jaw to accommodate the entire piece, and vacuumed it in. Jet's only concern was how she could get more. :)

Happy Chanumas!

Yes, Chanumas! :) I'm Jewish, so Chanukah would apply to me, and Marc is Xian, so Xmas would be for him. Why combine the two? Because this year brings a combination gift.

Marc asked what I wanted for Chanukah (after all these years, we often just ask... it's easier than trying to guess!). I told him I wanted a photo printer.

As we researched and shopped, we settled on the Canon i9900. It has received rave reviews, and the sample prints we saw were phenomenal.

During the course of the research and shopping, Marc decided that he loved the printer, too, and would have his own uses for it. So we had a discussion and decided that we'd split the cost and give each other half a printer for Chanukah/Xmas. :)

Today, we went to Micro Center and bought the printer. After the initial setup (which I actually went through, step by step, uncharacteristically reading the instructions first!), I started printing some pictures.

Despite the sample photos we'd seen, I still managed to be surprised by the truly amazing quality of the prints it produced.

Now, not only can I make great prints at home, but I also can do small proofs, tweak colors as needed and really decide what I want to enlarge, without having to go through uploads to Ofoto or smugmug or wherever (with the attendant prayers that their color balances look like my color balances--prayers that often went unanswered).

Marc and I (with help from Jeff who is visiting today) have been ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the prints for much of the afternoon. Needless to say, we're happy boys!

Isn't he cute?

Here we see Marc with our nephew, Owen, at today's Thanksgiving dinner.

Owen is about a year and a half old, and he is, indeed, very cute. Here, however, we don't see Owen's face. That's just as well, since he is trying to maintain a low profile.

Marc, on the other hand, we can see clearly. Cute! Cute! Cute! I'd ask him for a date, if we weren't already sleeping together! :)

I love this picture of him, so I wanted to share it. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

"Old" house renovations

I know what you're thinking: "More crap about renovations? Geez!"

Well, tough patootie if you don't like it! This is my blog, and this is the level of boredom to which my life has sunk, so if you read this you're along for the ride. :)

Anywho... as we're doing the complete remodeling of our soon-to-be new house, we're taking care of a few things in our current home to get it ready to be put on the market. We're trying not to do too much, as we've been told it's not worth the effort. Apparently, a few flaws let people find reasons to haggle and that can actually help the sale process.

One of the things we didn't like at all was the kitchen floor. Much of the kitchen has been improved since we bought this house (new stove, new sink, new dishwasher), but the floor was just worn out. One part hardwood (that used to extend into the adjoining room) and one part ceramic tile, it all looked waaaaaaaaay past its prime.

So we got some really nice Duraceramic tile (a really nice looking tile that is a stone composite--holds up better than true ceramic (less chance of chipping) but isn't as cold or hard under foot), and it was installed today. So, without further delay, I present to you...

...the old floor...



...and the new floor...

Such a bad boy!

Marc's out of town, due to the death of his aunt. So I was left to my own devices for ways to maintain some semblance of a social life.

I invited a few different friends to come visit. I figured at least one would join me for dinner. If a few arrived, great. They all have met each other before, and a good time would be had by all.

Well, everyone (and you know who you are!) blew me off. It's okay, really. All three had already planned things to do, and I certainly understand that.

So I wound up having dinner with an old friend, his wife and their young son. We went to P.F. Chang's. Even though we got there at 5pm, it was already packed. The seating wench (I think that's the official title) said there would be a 20 minute wait.

Fast-forward 35 minutes, and my old friend's wife is getting mighty pissed. There's a table for four that has been sitting open for several minutes, right near us. Even so, when we ask for an update, the seating wench says it will be another 15 minutes before they can seat us.

That did it. OF's wife went over, sat down and told us to "get over here and sit down! Quick!" So we did, and Steve (my old friend) hid the pager thingie they give you when they tell you to wait.

A waiter and busboy quickly arrived and gave us drinks and noodles. We placed our orders, and no one ever said a word. I, however, Mister By-the-book, felt like a felon. I was waiting for the police to rush in and arrest us! :)

Oh, and when did the pager finally go off? About 50 minutes after we got there. We were well into the appetizers by then. It's silent--just vibrates--so Steve kept it hidden. I asked if he was enjoying it, as it was out of sight, but he swears it was just tucked under his leg. ;)

From a dietary point of view, I was a bad boy, too. P.F. Chang's isn't exactly on my diet. Then, to add to my misdeeds, I grabbed dessert before heading home. Next door to Chang's is a Cold Stone Creamery. I'd never been in there, so I decided to give it a try.

I ordered Chocolate something-or-other. With that, the young lady helping me took out chocolate ice cream from the case and mixed in other ingredients by hand. Apparently, that's how they do things there.

So I took it home and had some. Not bad. Not the best I've ever had, but not bad.

Oh, I also brought home some of my P.F. Chang's food. When I walked through the door, the dogs had their snouts right on the bag. I told them, "this isn't for you."

With that, Dodger stood high, put his front paws on his hips (or the doggie equivalent thereof) and said, "excuse me, Mister Man, but what kind of bag is that food in? A people bag? I don't think so. It's a doggie bag, and I'm a doggie, so fork it over!"

He had a point, so I split my leftover chicken fried rice between the three of them...and a good time was had by all! :)

Yes, it bores lawyers, too

Yesterday, I went to an all-day seminar on employment law. It was an update, and I try to get to at least one such all-day seminar each year. Sometimes I do more than one--I do shorter ones, too, usually in the evening, but these all day ones usually are more comprehensive.

Since this (employment law) is the main focus of my work, it's important to me to stay up-to-date on the most recent court decisions and legislative changes.

So I was sitting in one part of the seminar yesterday as the speaker was discussing "class actions under the Fair Labor Standards Act." I was absorbing the information, but it took an effort not to have my eyes roll back into my head. Two colleagues of mine--excellent attorneys, in fact--were sitting with me. I looked over to find them playing a game (they'd pick a movie star and then compete to see who could write down more of his/her movies in a limited amount of time).

I'm sure they were hearing the seminar info (as I can listen and do other things very often), but it was funny to see that I wasn't the only one being bored to tears. So, for those of you who have said (and I've heard lots of people say it!), "I couldn't be a lawyer. That stuff is too tedious/boring!," I have two things to say...

1) A lot of what we do is quite interesting; and,

2) When it comes to some of it, you're quite right. It's tedious and boring, and we think so, too. It's just the price you have to pay, so you have a fair chance of not screwing up by missing something!

Am I the only one who can't remember book names?

It seems like anyone/everyone can answer questions about what books they're currently reading. This, however, is something I often can't do.

I'm always reading something. Usually, I have a few (or several) books going at once. I'll read a little of one, then decide I can't wait to read one of the others and so on. So my night stand has a number of books on it at any given time.

Even so, I'm very bad at remembering the names of anything I'm reading. If the subject comes up in conversation, I can usually describe the types of books but not the names or authors. I feel like the other participants in the conversation must think I'm illiterate and trying to cover it up!

I reached a new low this morning when I saw David Sedaris mentioned on Salon. I finished one of his books a few weeks ago, but I couldn't remember the name of it. Then I looked at Salon's list. Mr. Sedaris had four books on it, but, after looking at the names, I still couldn't remember which one it was. Only when I clicked on a link so I could see the cover art did I remember with any certainty which book it was.

Sad. Just sad.

Rugby photos

At long last, here are some pictures from Saturday's rugby invitational:









It was a great day. Gotham won repeatedly, and a great time was had by all!

The entire set of photos can be found here. I hope you enjoy viewing them as much as I enjoyed shooting them. I just hope you don't get as cold as I did! :)

Go Gotham!

The Gotham Knights were champions of the rugby pitch today. I'll have plenty of photos to share shortly. In the meantime, feel free to caption this photo yourself...



What are those ruggers doing (or about to do)? ;)

Shedding-induced psychosis

My poor, sweet Marc. Tonight, as I was watching the dogs do their business in the back yard, he came to the back door to show me something.

In his hand, he held a sample of one of the carpets we'll be having installed in the new house. On this was a little pile of dog fur.

The collection of fur didn't surprise me. The vacuum has yet to be run this weekend, and our dogs (especially Dodger) drop fur at a staggering rate. So, unless you walk in moments after vacuuming, it's not hard to gather up a little bit of fur.

Even so, I couldn't figure out what Marc was showing me. Was there a collection of fur in one spot, so he picked it up and was carrying it to the trash? I didn't think the situation was that bad in the living room just now, but it was possible.

If that was the case, it still didn't explain why he was using the carpet sample to carry a "doggy dust bunny" to the trash. So we stood there for a moment. I looked at the fur, then at Marc, then at the fur, then at Marc.

At that point Marc broke the silence, saying, "that's what it will look like on the new carpet." With that, he dumps the fur in the trash, walks back to the living room and puts the carpet sample back in with the rest of the renovation material.

I love the boy, but somebody get a net! :)

Being charitable is hard work

As you know, if you're among my millions thousands hundreds tens couple of regular readers, we've been gutting the family house, in preparation for moving there and selling our current house.

One item we were unable to move out on our own is my Mom's piano. It's an upright piano that has been in the basement rec room since some time before I was born.

I didn't care about getting money for it. I just wanted it to go to someone who would make good use of it. I figured my Mom would like that, and I certainly couldn't stand the thought of it being destroyed or sent to the dump.

So I put an ad on craigslist that said it was free to anyone who could offer it a good home. I was thrilled when, immediately after I placed the ad, a charter school in Jersey City, New Jersey, contacted me.

Apparently, they have a couple of keyboards for their music students but not an actual piano. I spoke to the music teacher and the principal and told them the piano was theirs. All they had to do was get someone to move it out of the basement and onto a truck to bring it to them.

Today, I got a call. They had found movers who would move the piano, and it was within the limits of their on-hand petty cash ($250), thus alleviating the need to go through the bureaucratic process (and delay) of vouchering payments and such. So we scurried over to the house and prepared for the arrival of the movers.

When the movers arrived... well, it sure wasn't United Van Lines! There were three guys. One looked like the lead singer from Dexy's Midnight Runners but not as healthy looking. The second appeared much like Jerry Garcia not long before he went to that great pot party in the sky. The third guy is more or less irrelevant, since he came in, took one look at the piano and announced that he wanted no part of it.

So these two guys alternated between trying to figure out how to get the piano up the stairs and bitching about how it wasn't worth $250. Finally, after about 15 minutes of trying, the Dexy guy said he was going to call the school and demand more money.

Our contractor, who was trying to help them (and quite obviously knew more about moving heavy objects than these "movers") watched the guys walk up the stairs and then said, "they're not coming back." I said, "well, we'll see what they say."

Silly me. Manners like that apparently were beyond these guys. They didn't say a thing. Instead, they just drove off without another word, having been advised by the school that they didn't mind a little higher price but didn't have extra money on hand at the moment.

Yet another example of You get what you pay for! (Shouldn't that be, "you get that for which you pay"? Never mind. No time for digression into an exploration of grammar.)

I spoke to the music teacher, and he was both embarrassed and apologetic. I told him not to worry about it.

So he said they'd find someone else and give this another try.

Yet another rule now comes into play--one which served me well in my dating days--"If at first you don't suck seed, try try again!" ;)

That's some serious sound!

With our gutting of the soon-to-be-new house, we decided to get a nice stereo system. Something good, with serious power, crystal clear sound and the ability to interface with multiple sources. Also, it has to be able to handle multiple rooms.

So I checked out what Crutchfield has. I went to Harvey Electronics. Harvey is an interesting place. I'm surprised they let me park my Ford Explorer in their parking lot. Clearly, they're aiming for the Rolls Royce crowd. I really didn't like their attitude much.

I had looked around a fair amount before and after my Harvey visit, checking out various makes of equipment. Then, last night, while running my paws through the pages of Smithsonian, I saw an ad for the Bose Lifestyle 48 Home Entertainment System.

Since there's a Bose store not too far away (in Roosevelt Field Mall--the store being mere feet from where Lindbergh's plane lifted off, for the history/trivia buffs among you), Marc and I decided to pay them a visit this evening.

We checked out the Lifestyle 48 system. We also listened to various speaker choices. I brought several CDs with me, and we wound up popping Rufus Wainwright into the L48 and listened to him through the Jewel Cube speakers (after having watched a DVD and marveled at that).

Okay, that got me pretty excited. Then we listened to Tears for Fears' "Sowing the Seeds of Love" through the Bose Acoustimass speakers. It was all I could do to keep from coming in my pants. Unbelievable! We backed down the store, so we could see how clear and rich they were from 20-25 feet away (the rough depth of our future living room). Still, unbelievable.

Unfortunately, the price isn't exactly small for all of this. Doing multiple rooms, with installation costs, will run several thousand dollars. Even so, this may just be worth it. After all, we're trying to have everything "just so" in our new home. So what if we can't afford to eat when we're done, as long as we can starve to beautiful music? :)

Randall's Island and Brooklyn

Randall's Island and Brooklyn: I went to one and saw a show about the other (and a girl of the same name).

Yesterday, I woke up alone. It's a rare event, and I really don't like it. Marc had an overnight strategic planning retreat for work. He went out east on Friday and didn't return until yesterday afternoon.

So I went to a rugby match alone. When he got home, I mentioned my observation that he wasn't the only one missing from the match. A number of the really hot ruggers were missing. Now, one could simply say this is based on it being a "B side only" day, but I could think of another reason! ;)

So, anyhow, here are a few rugby pictures...







For all of the photos, go here. It's a smaller set this week (because I only watched one match--and it was half the usual length), but I think I got a few good shots.

After rugby, I went back home. Marc arrived just in time for us to jump on a train and go see Brooklyn the Musical. Brooklyn has received mixed reviews. Some reviews were, in fact, quite bad.

Even so, I was very pleased with the show. Many Broadway shows we've seen have been real dreck (in case you don't know Yiddish, "dreck" roughly translates to "shit". I used the word dreck, so I wouldn't have to use the word shit on my nice, clean blog). So, anyhow, many shows have been dreck (glad I didn't say "shit"? As if I would ever use such a word!), as I said--shows with truly stupid or non-existent plots and scores that sounded like high school students wrote them. Major shows with major ticket prices that have left me feeling robbed by overrated producers/writers.

Having been to so many shows with horrible, non-catchy tunes, I was very pleased to hear good, original songs sung by performers with lovely voices. It made for a nice evening.

Today was a day of chores--cleaning out my grandmother's apartment, shopping for lighting fixtures, etc. This was followed by a nice nap (always a good thing). Now it's time to make a late dinner.

All in all, a good weekend.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I've been a member/supporter of the Human Rights Campaign, People for the American Way and MoveOn.org for some time. To that, I added the ACLU this weekend. I/we can never give up the fight for equal rights. Join me/us, and keep fighting for equal rights for everyone!

A Christian nation?

No offense to Christians, as there are many good people among you, but I'm quite fed up with hearing about how this country was founded upon Christian (or even Judeo-Christian) principles.

I realize that things like reading and education are out of fashion, but it might do all concerned some good to read what the Founding Fathers actually stood for. Do you not believe that they were as much for freedom from religion as they were for freedom of religion?

Well, I have some news for you. Some of our most revered Founding Fathers were not big fans of religion. Name one, you say? Ever hear of a guy named Thomas Jefferson?

He was President of the United States back when learned men held the job.

President Jefferson wrote, "I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition (Christianity) one redeeming feature. They are all alike, founded upon fables and mythology."

What's this? A Founding Father who didn't sound like a born again preacher? Can this be?

Any others? Hmmm. Have you heard of a guy named George Washington? Well, he said a few interesting things, none of which today's GOP seems to know or care about. How about this...

He declared that the government gave "to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance." Really? To bigotry no sanction?

I wonder what he'd think of state governments saying certain people can't have the same protections as others. Yes, I'm talking about those scary gays. Don't want gay marriage? I might understand that, but the laws meant to deny any similar rights/protections to gay men and women are appalling. My partner can't be protected under law because we're both men, despite our having a more dedicated and lasting relationship than the majority of straight marriages (a fact, based simply on adultery and divorce rates, as compared to the years we have been together)? If you don't think there's something wrong with this, then you're either addled or blinded by bigotry.

President Washington added that the United States government "requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens."

The Founding Fathers were, as a group, religious men. Many were practicing Christians. They also were quite clear that every American was to have the freedom to practice their religion, as well as freedom from the oppression of living under the rules of others' religions.

Now, we are faced with a government making laws on the basis of Christian beliefs. I can respect faithful Christians, but I cannot respect their judging my life and trying to limit my rights on the basis of their beliefs.

Perhaps these people who seek to judge me and infringe upon my rights will someday take the trouble to truly learn about their country and find that, despite their favored politicians' propaganda, the Founding Fathers would not favor their efforts. Shame on everyone behind these un-American acts.

New digs

As I once mentioned before, I've worked for over a year in a lovely structure that has housed Human Resources (or "Personnel", as the ancient sign on the building says) since long before I got there. It looks something like this:



Yes, and it's as lovely inside as outside. The building groans ominously when the wind blows, and my office was so lovely that various visitors have actually commented that the surroundings were beneath my education and experience. Well, as nice as that was for my ego, it wasn't exactly a morale booster, since I still had to work there.

Today, the HR offices got moved to the main hospital...



The new office is great. Here are a couple of shots of my new digs:





As you can see, the floor is two different colors (due to some damage they once had to repair--apparently, they couldn't get a matching color). Even so, considering the fact that the old office had nasty, ancient carpet that no machine could get clean, this is a far superior surface for supporting my feet:



Oh, and did I mention that this office comes with my own private bathroom (not to be confused with My Own Private Idaho but still nice):





The icing on the cake? Before I ever got in, the Director of Housekeeping/Grounds, along with members of my staff and his staff, had gotten much of the office set up. Things were on my desk...



...and my diplomas, pictures, etc., were on the walls...







I'm not a tough boss. Yes, I've had to fire people now and then, but that's a rare thing. Decent employees get excellent treatment from me--I'm more often getting them raises than issuing discipline.

So I like to think this type of gesture is made because I'm liked, not because I outrank these folks. Either way, it was nice to walk in and find so much done. I really only had to go through some boxes and put things where I wanted before I could be ready to get to work.

The only downside of this move is that my not-so-hot office furniture really looks crappy in the new surroundings. Oh well, that's a small thing. Overall, this was a good move.

Now, the question is how long until the big bosses decide HR might work even better in yet another part of the campus. :)

And now for something completely different

As much as I feel like I could go on and on about recent political developments, that would get tedious. So I think it's time for a musical interlude of sorts.

This is Bernice...



And this is a new song in her honor (to the tune of "New York, New York")...

Bernice, Bernice, she's a hell of a hound,
Her left ear's up and her right one's down,
She goes outside and digs holes in the ground,
Bernice, Bernice, she's a hell of a hound.

Yeah, that's what I've got for you today. It's hard to be cheery after last night, but singing to the dogs in the morning as I get ready for work can help brighten any mood. :)

Okay, stop it. It's not funny.

This obviously is some sort of elaborate joke being played on me. I don't know how my friends are doing this. Even Marc seems to be in on it!

Come on, guys, I'm sure you got a chuckle out of it, but that's enough.

I might believe this is true, but you really went overboard. George Bush won re-election and the GOP gained ground in the Senate, so they have complete control? That's just silly.

I mean, if that happened, Scalia could replace Rehnquist (assuming his health will keep him from returning) and John Ashcroft could be made a Supreme Court Justice. Now how stupid would that be?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

It's 5am. I managed to get some sleep but had to come take another look at the results to see if anything had changed.

It looks like the worst of all worlds. Unless a miracle happens, Ohio will go to Bush. So we have to deal with four more years of this train wreck of an Administration.

On top of that, the Senate appears to be moving in a more Republican direction. So that should take care of the Supreme Court for the next few decades.

I can't even begin to express how upset I am. Even so, I'm going to go back to bed and try to get a little more sleep. Maybe I can cry myself to sleep.

Just can't blog--too tense

I know this is an entry, but I just can't do a real one. I've always been interested in government and the electoral process (I even worked in government for about a decade).

More importantly, I always had faith that things would work out. Even if my preferred candidate didn't win the election, I felt that our system would assure that nothing too radical would happen. The intricate balance crafted by our Founding Fathers and refined with occasional, well-planned Constitutional amendments would keep things from swinging out of control or too much into the hands of a small elite group.

I always had that faith... until I watched our current President and the evil cadre with which he has surrounded himself. So I'm as nervous as a whore in church, waiting to see if the efforts of people like me (in my case, that really just amounted to persuading people I know and giving money to the DNC, to Kerry's campaign, to MoveOn.org and some other organizations), combined with sufficient good sense on the part of the American people, will swing things out of the hands of the right-wing zealouts now dishonoring the Bill of Rights, trashing the environment, lining the pockets of their wealthy friends and pissing off our allies.

So I'm on edge. I'm not watching the election coverage. It does me no good to listen to these media nitwits talk for hours about nothing. Actually, I want to lash out at the media. I think they've done a terrible job. Who decided that these pea-brains should be paid piles of money to talk? Most of them aren't terribly bright.

Well, that's as much typing as I can do with my fingers crossed. :)

Important information for voters!

In a last-minute move to ensure a smooth Presidential election this year, a new plan has been put in place.

Kerry-Edwards supporters: You must go to the polls tomorrow, November 2, 2004.

Bush-Cheney supporters: You vote one week later, on November 9, 2004. Don't bother going to the polls tomorrow.

Ralph Nader supporters: First, wipe your mouths. You're drooling all over yourselves. Okay, now go with the nice men in the white jackets. They'll take you to a happy place where you can feel better.